Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye

You know, while in theory dying your crotch hairs sounds like a barrel of laughs, I have a few problems with this.  First off, it is hard enough shaving, waxing, and shaping that area do we seriously now have to slap some dye on it and make sure it comes out even?   COME ON!  Why did you do this to me Betty?  WHY?  You know of course I am gonna use this product, seriously…..

And though I see those few drawbacks, there are a few things about this idea I love.  First of all, now when I dye my hair pink, when someone sees my naughty bits they will think I am a natural pink.  Secondly, I honestly need something else to do on a Saturday night besides oh, I don’t know, having a life?

Okay I love the idea of this product kind of a lot.  But to tell you the truth it scares me a little that soon I will no longer remember what my natural hair color is on my landing strip….just like it is anybody’s guess as to what it is on my head!  Thanks A LOT Betty Beauty (now where the hell is my credit card?)

Being the single mother of a teenager brings endless amounts of entertainment.  Sometimes the entertainment is humor, sometimes it is more like something out of a horror flick, but always completely entertaining any way you slice (or stab) it.   He is a good kid, with enough teenagerness to pay me back for the stupid crap I did to my parents, I mean I really should not get away with some of it.  I too must continue to add to my gray hair collection as my parents did before me or should I say because of me.  But this is not about an addition to the on going melodrama I lovingly titled “Hormones Effin’ Suck” (the musical.)  This is actually a happy little moment that I shall cherish til death.

Now mind you once my bouncing baby boy grew to a 6′2″, 200+ lb gorilla for whom I have to take out small loans to feed, I thought the cuteness of his younger days was long gone.  But I found out that this is not the case at all.  My boy, now 16, was going after his first official job.  He was vying for a highly coveted position at Subway as a Sandwich Artist.  Now he had a lot going for him from the beginning, he knew several of the employees and the managers and they all like the kid, what’s not to like he takes after his wonderful, nurturing, hysterically funny mother….oh wait….that’s me…. hmmmm, they liked him despite the fact that I am his Mother and promised to never hold that against him.

Though the managers were ready to hire him, he had to pass an interview with the owner.  So there was an interview set, and then it was “LET THE CUTENESS….BEGIN!”  First he makes himself all clean shaven, removes his piercings (gauged ears and pierced septum.)  Then he informs me that I am taking him to get a new “nice” shirt to wear for the interview.  We picked out this black little number and he was set.  The best part was that he basically hand wrote a resume of sorts that he restarted 5 times until it was “perfect” and to his liking.  The kid called me later that afternoon super excited and spilling out the events of the interview as though it was necessary that he not draw another breath until I had the blow by blow.

He started the next day, and suddenly I had a hankerin’ for a  Subway sandwich and made my way there for lunch.  My sandwich was perfect, though without oregano, which he later told me he put on half the sandwiches he made before he realized it was NOT the pepper.  I could see he was happy, and yes I cried, just like I did the first day of kindergarten.  I am so proud of the man of my house.  Now all I need is a bumper sticker that says “My Son is a Sandwich Artist”  to proudly display on my car.

Sandwich Art

BAKON VODKA HOME

Okay, I am all about having drinks with friends and trying new things.  Just the other night while out and about I tried a Cucumber Martini at a new spot in San Antonio called Rumi’s Lounge.  It was fanfreakin’tastic but still I was not so sure about a drink that was gonna taste like salad.  And now they come out with bacon in a glass?  Seriously, I don’t know if I can be on board with this.  Now I will give them some props, they have recipes in which they are suggesting it be put in  Bloody Marys or used as a Marinade for steaks to be grilled, that  I can get down with.  But honestly when I first saw this all I could think is, shots at breakfast?  Eggs, hashbrowns, Bacon Martinis with a side of toast? Better yet why don’t they just freakin’ come out with the whole breakfast buffet of Vodkas, who needs to eat?

The fact that this is not available across the nation is a shame because I think that this needs a try.  Currently it is only available in Washington State, Oregon, Montana and Idaho, wow that is a bit underwhelming….  And though I am highly skeptical of a breakfast meat in liquid form, I need to bring home this bacon for a few reasons.  A. I don’t have to cook it and anything I don’t have to cook is delicious to me B. If we make it really popular they may come out with something I could really dig, Pancake flavored alcohol….heh heh screw IHOP!

Chasers News Story

Seriously, does noone understand what satire is any more?  I can remember in high school having to read a few satirical novels.  Of course they were in no way comical, in fact “Brave New World” was as depressing as a wedding on a June afternoon.  The fact that these Aussie’s who are a known satirical troupe were compelled to not only apologize for their “in poor taste” piece about terminally ill kids, but also had their show suspended for two weeks is leaving a pretty bad taste in my mouth.

If you were asked to think of something funny about mentally challenged people, suicide, pedophilia, racism, or murder you would probably immediately be sickened at the thought, right?  But if I reminded you that you laughed your ass off when in “Something about Mary”  Matt Dillon’s character discussed his interaction with mentally challenged adults, would you admit that you laughed?  How many of you call yourself or someone else retarded when you screw something up?

And suicide?  Can that really be funny?  Let’s see, one day while driving in the car with the my kid, he was making me nuts!  So I say, you know  I can solve all our problems fairly easily here (now mind you this was actually a humorous conversation.)  I proceed to tell him if he does not quit driving me crazy it will push me to kill myself, but I am going to take him down with me.  I go on to say that I will off myself in such a way as to frame him for my murder.  He wondered what method I could possibly use to accomplish this goal.  I say, “It’s easy, kid, I will just beat myself to death with a baseball bat!”  YOU LAUGHED and you know it!

All those other things, we laugh at on “Family Guy”, “Pulp Fiction” ,who could forget the scene where John Travolta’s character accidentally shoots a guy in the head.  You were ashamed you laughed but you still laughed…. The truth is, the world needs to lighten up with this politically correct crap.  If you don’t think it is funny then don’t, but I think to cause a stink because YOU didn’t like it is totally retarded.